Random musings on a rainy night

Pulling me down deep,
This feeling wouldn't go away.
And then there was you.

You brought me to life,
Consumed me entirely.
Now what do we do?

Short pumps and mules..

From a friend's post, just seemed to strike a note someplace:

i spent the day thinking about you.. of the time we spent together.. the way your gaze burned into mine, playful fingers over the cup of chai, the longing for you to hold me, tell me it was all going to end up the way it was meant to..

Random musing..

I have always wondered what makes people creative and original.. And how they express themselves so precisely confounds me even further.. Let me explain.. I'm a thinker, I want to believe I have an above average EQ and appreciate the arts (paintings, music, the human body bla bla).. Put all of that together and you would think I would at least be a little creative.. But hand me a piece of paper, and the words run dry.. Present a canvas, and the colors fade away.. Give me an instrument and.. you get the drift.. The thoughts never become things, and the dreams stay dreams.. Where does this skill of 'expression' come from?

It's been awhile, hasn't it?

This afternoon while stepping out for a quick lunch, I thought of you.. I don't know why.. It's been awhile, hasn't it? Six months? Maybe more.. I don't know why I wondered what was going on with you.. A quick bite and ten minutes later, I was back at my desk to see you had left me a message online.. Could it just be a coincidence? Of course it was, but silly me always likes to see signs even when there aren't any.. A quick conversation later, the thought of you still lingered on.. No, of course we were never meant to be.. If anything, I had convinced myself into believing there was something between us.. Deep down inside, I knew I would not have had the slightest hesitation to move on if a better opportunity presented itself.. Then what was it? Why did I still feel.. connected to you?

All I want

I want a non exciting life. The kind where I’m happy when I get up. The kind where I’ve time for a nice morning shower. The kind where I’ve time to make a healthy homemade breakfast. The kind where I’m excited to leave for work. The kind where I wish Good Morning to everyone I bump into while stumbling into office. The kind where I laugh care free over lunch and not bother about getting back to conference calls and emails. The kind where office ends at 5 pm. The kind where I come back to smiling faces at home. The kind where I plan a dinner menu. The kind where I go in for a long deserved bath. The kind where I end the day with a prayer… and a smile.

The people I thought would be there forever have all changed.. The memories I thought I would cherish forever are turning stale.. The place I called home seems strange and unfriendly.. The glitz, the glamour, the lights cannot blind me anymore.. I’m forever changed..

Burn out…

I’m tired. I’ve been living out of suitcases for more than 2 years now. What seemed to be fun and exciting isn’t so anymore and I can’t help wonder if my rapid aging has had something to do with it. Lately, a lot has been changing. The weekend parties seem just about ok. The movie count has been dwindling big time! I have close to 1700 minutes rolled over from previous months on my phone (I have the most basic plan possible). Early dinners and a stroll seem better than pre-gaming. Teensie weensies trying to test their capacities in clubs and throwing up isn’t even fun to watch anymore. The music has changed from pop to rock to lounge/house now. The comforter and pillow are my new best friends. The idea of ending up alone doesn’t seem foreign anymore; of course the idea of being with only one person is still the scarier option. The thought of “How will everything ever work out?!” is constantly on my mind. Whatever happened to all the fun and craziness?

Maybe if I sleep, it’ll all go away…