"There is always the promise of freedom wherever you all may roam. Keep the faith and walk the edge."

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Burn out…

I’m tired. I’ve been living out of suitcases for more than 2 years now. What seemed to be fun and exciting isn’t so anymore and I can’t help wonder if my rapid aging has had something to do with it. Lately, a lot has been changing. The weekend parties seem just about ok. The movie count has been dwindling big time! I have close to 1700 minutes rolled over from previous months on my phone (I have the most basic plan possible). Early dinners and a stroll seem better than pre-gaming. Teensie weensies trying to test their capacities in clubs and throwing up isn’t even fun to watch anymore. The music has changed from pop to rock to lounge/house now. The comforter and pillow are my new best friends. The idea of ending up alone doesn’t seem foreign anymore; of course the idea of being with only one person is still the scarier option. The thought of “How will everything ever work out?!” is constantly on my mind. Whatever happened to all the fun and craziness?

Maybe if I sleep, it’ll all go away…

Why do I always get caught up in stupid situations?

This morning, I decided to take an earlier bus to get to work early (one of those crazy early morning decisions!). With my hair still disheveled from last night’s incomplete slumber, I threw on an oversized brown sweater and jeans and ran to catch the bus. Normally when I have music blaring into my ears, I’m untroubled by conversations; however today, by some stupid twist of fate, I noticed that the driver was trying to talk to me. As always, I played the good listener, listened to his early morning blues (or at least pretended to), smiled and continued to sleep with my eyes open. 15 minutes and a random conversation later (which involved him telling me how it’s nice to have music on the bus amongst other dull commuters), I reached my stop. He mouthed the words “I like you” and handed me a brown note with his name and number hastily scribbled over it as I walked out. Caught off guard (plus it was 6:30 a.m!), I just stopped for a moment, stared at the note in my hand and walked out.

Later, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had spurred him on into doing that. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and frown next time?